You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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