i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
