The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So squirting runs in the family.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
