Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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