this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
