My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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