it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
