then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
