He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
