I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
