I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
