apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
