the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
