Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
