I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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