I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
