And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do vagina's smell?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
