maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
