I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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