So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
