just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
