please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
