i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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