oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
