Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
