i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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