quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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