just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
