Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
