i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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