Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
