So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
