Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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