so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
