FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
