She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
