i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
