They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
