Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
