just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
