I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
