Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
