question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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