She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
