You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
