You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
