I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Are we still banned from the library?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
