What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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