But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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