is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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