at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
