thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
