well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
