I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
