If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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