He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
